ALAN NELSON

Jun 21 2014

Still and always will be in your corner

I’ve seen it happen way too many times: The nice guy loses the girl for being exactly who he is.

What’s even worse is if he’s really the nice guy, he’s going to lose her and say nothing about it. He’ll accept it as something she truly wants and give her his best wishes, as she walks away being everything he could ever want.

On behalf of all the nice guys out there, this is to the girl who walked out on the best thing that ever happened to her:

"Dear Girl Who Walked Away,

It’s not like you weren’t aware of what you were getting yourself into. He told you he was nice. He trusted easily and gave you all he could when he could.

The nice guy believes in doing things right. He was there when you needed him to be, and he went out of his way to make sure you knew just how much you could mean to someone.

We live in a generation where we all have to wear masks and play parts to make it through the battlefield of dating in the 21st century. There is no such thing as giving it your all.

We like quotes on Facebook and post things on Instagram stating we want the masochist one day and the romantic the next. We play these games where being available can only happen sometimes, and playing hard-to-get must be our number one priority. Why?

I thought the ultimate goal was to eventually settle down. I mean, what is the point of dating if you have no desire for it to go anywhere? If a one-night stand is what you’re looking for, leave the good guys alone and toy within the levels you lay down.

Save yourself time and energy because the good guy isn’t going to make it easy to just walk away. The good guy cares, so he’ll get his explanation from you even though he knows it’ll be a load of bull.

Every girl says she likes the assh*le because he’s the challenge — the one she must break, train and force to be more than just a douchebag. Have you ever thought, however, maybe you were the girl in need of learning what it means to actually feel again?

You went through something, like we all do, and because of it you changed. It’s normal and heartbreak happens, but the next assh*le didn’t fix what the first one did; he kept it the same or made it worse. His priority was not you and couldn’t be you. So now you’re bitter and closed off from anything remotely more satisfying than a one-night stand.

I won’t deny that the assh*le is fun or that a good time isn’t promised with him, but when it’s all said and done, is it ever more than just a good time? Probably not.

In fact, the assh*le has a charm about him; it’s the charm you justify your pursuit with. You say, “There’s just something about him.” However, it’s probably the same quality that ended up hurting you in the past.

So you tried to push the nice guy away. When he wouldn’t go away, you pushed harder. Still, he didn’t give up and every time you pushed harder, he pulled you in even more.

He ignored your fears and forced you to grow; he fought for your passions when you were too busy writing them off. He forgot your wants and focused on everything you needed. Then you walked away because he was too nice.

He gave you too much of everything you wanted, and life got too easy. You wanted conflict and hardship as if everything else in life did not promise you an endless journey of just that. This is where you failed.

The nice guy has been hurt, too, he just chose to stay nice. He learned that different people were going to provide him different things in life. The nice guy also chose not to let any of it change who he was.

So, he let you walk away and he called it a day. Everyone always says there are plenty of fish in the sea, and he let you go knowing this, even though it hurt.

What you don’t know is that someone else is out there, and she won’t be as foolish you. When you realize all you really want is the nice guy who cares about you too much, it’s going to be too late. Some other girl will be able to see how great he is, and she won’t waste a minute.

he was Samson and you were his Delilah. The nice guys are there to give you a break, a light to something more than the games we identify our generation with.

He may have loved you too soon and it was too crazy and too much, but guys like him don’t happen every day; they happen never. He made you feel love when love was no longer a part of your vocabulary. You were now saying “I love you” again and remembering what it felt like.

He was the guy you were supposed to end up with, who makes everything change. I just wish you’d see it before another girl does because at the end of the day, everyone, including the nice guy you don’t deserve, is rooting only for you.

Sincerely, The Girl Who Was Too Late”

Jun 16 2014

It’s 6:20 am and I just laid in bed from working out at the gym. Every time I am pulling out of the parking lot, I look around to see if maybe you’re out running or maybe I’ll see your car drive past. But then I have to remind myself, “She doesn’t live down the street anymore, you fool. She moved to a new place.” It’s almost like when I would wake up in the morning but before I opened my eyes, I would smell you on my pillows and roll over to spoon you, bury my face in the back of your neck and feel the little hairs rise against my lips, then your curls to breathe you in deeply and fill my lungs with your essence, and softly kiss your shoulders to taste you and be comforted by it all. But I would be heartbroken again and again when I realized you weren’t actually there. Although your scent has long drifted away from my pillow, I still search for you, after everything and after all this time apart…

When I think about you, I don’t think about the how it ended or the pain that I went through. I think about how you and I were discovering that we are soul mates. I think about your smile and how much joy you brought into my life.

“If I could be with this beautiful, complex woman, whom I have developed an intense adoration and unconditional love for, and see her smile and enjoy life and all it’s wonders, I am truly the blessed.”

I think about how I used to not believe in soul mates until I met mine. I knew because doing things that made you love yourself and life in general made me feel completely whole. Do soul mates maybe just drift apart for a little bit then become partners again on their own time? Do soul mates ever NOT belong to each other? I remember talking to you about how we knew each other in previous lives but for some reason, that exact time just wasn’t the right time for us to be together. When I met you, after some time, I felt like I had known you my entire life. Do you remember the letter you wrote to me that described how you felt the exact same way?

I don’t know if this is the right time for us to be together, again. But I do know that we belong to one another, that we are for each other, that we’re soul mates.

I’ve done the research and the results always point me to you.

Jun 14 2014

Jun 13 2014

2049

It’s 4:24 AM on Friday the 13th. The rain had stopped about 15 minutes ago so I step outside for a breath of fresh air. There’s a full moon hanging in the sky, illuminating the shape of the clusters of clouds as each one passes by.
Everything appears so clear and detailed but pale as I watch the drops of rain pool together on the cold concrete. A full moon on Friday the 13th? Isn’t that like, double bad luck? I read an article that read that this would be the last time a full moon occurred on Friday the 13th, with the next being in 35 years. This won’t happen again until we are in our 50’s and 60’s. Could you imagine what we will be like, where life had taken us and led us to at that point?
Forget the superstitions and the bad luck, the evil and macabre images shrouding the two events….

I find this occasion to be gorgeously romantic…

The moon and the sun differ by exactly 180 degrees in ecliptic longitude, as if face to face with one another. The moon has an entire hemisphere irradiated by the sun, the same “face” seen by both you and I. You were the first and only person I thought to talk to about the beautiful moon and night air. I thought to myself as I was talking to you, “When I look up and see the moon in it’s fullness, the rest of the world in muted beauty, you also see the same moon and the same beauty. We experience the same environment and views. We share this moment”.
We have been standing on the dark side of the moon for several months and have finally reached a time of complete illumination by the Sun. Truth. Light.
We’ve made a complete turn around since September. We can be honest with each other again. It’s not awkward to be in each other’s company, not like it was after things came apart. My washed out heart brightens, knowing that we can talk to each other almost like the best friends we once were.
It’s almost like meeting you for the first time all over again.

May 29 2014

Can’t take my eyes off of you

You’re laughing and you smile as your chin tucks into your chest. You look up at me and your eyes shimmer in the sunlight: those amazing, soft emeralds that have melted my heart since the first time I got lost in them. I’m hit with a wave of the past, caught in the net of your vermillion gaze and you keep me there, staring back at me with that little smirk your supple lips make when I know, for sure, that you’re genuinely happy in that moment. My eyes squint and focus on you as my head cocks to the side and I’m thinking to myself…

"I’m so fucked…"

May 26 2014

It’s 4 am and I’m soaking wet

The rain falls constantly and drops off my bangs, running onto my face. I take off my glasses to wipe them dry but my shirt is soaked.

I’m standing outside your door as the rain pours tonight. I don’t know what brought me here or what made me want to stand outside your little apartment this early in the morning in this weather. But I’m here and all I can think about is kissing your lips, hard, when you open the door and realize it’s me.

This wretched weather, as miserable as it is to everyone else, is beautiful to me. I can remember many nights in our old apartment when the rain would spill out of the clouds and I would be awake, laying next to you beside the window. I would watch the droplets splash against the window, which was really just a piece of plexiglass (remember?) and a small pool of water would form on the window sill. Thunder would crash, lighting up the sky and our room and during the flash, I would look over at you, sleeping, fully illuminated and beautiful, then back to darkness until the next brief instance of light.

I never got much sleep on those nights but I didn’t mind because everything was in perfect balance: outside was chaos and renewal, next to me was the love of my life and peace.

You are the smell of rain. You are the brief moment of light during the tumultuous storm. You are the shelter from the chaos.

I miss you most when it rains, when we used to put on a movie and just stay in bed, legs entwined and your back against my chest, with your warm neck on my chin, your curly waves of hair in my face and my arms wrapped around you.

Home.

May 24 2014
Last summer with you. 

Swim suits and smiles.

Last summer with you.

Swim suits and smiles.

May 22 2014
Do you honestly think that I care about you fucking someone else? If we’re not together, I don’t expect you to have taken some vow of celibacy. It’s just that, when I see someone look at you the way I used to look at you, I fucking hate that. It makes me sick to my stomach.
— Karen to Hank, Californication

+
May 15 2014

This can’t be the ending…

I won’t let “that worthless piece of shit” be the one who wrote the ending to our story. That would be embarrassing.

We’ll come back together. I know you don’t want that ending either.

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