ALAN NELSON

Feb 20 2014

Every. Damn. Time.

I fool myself every time I come home from work. As I pull into my driveway, I always expect your car to be there too, waiting for me to be with you.

Even when I’m home by myself, I’ll look out my windows, through my blinds, and I catch myself waiting for you to pull in and walk up to my door.

Except…it’s not going to happen like it used to. Not like it used to…

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Feb 12 2014
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Feb 06 2014
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If you’re ever lucky enough to find a girl who is a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind, you should hold onto that. Because she’ll be yours at two in the morning and at two in the afternoon the following day. She’ll kiss you where it hurts and until it hurts. And that’s important. Someone who not only knows how to turn you on but also knows how to treat you right is someone worth a little something… and a little more than usual.

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Looking back

The memory on my phone is vanishing. I take a new picture and a message comes up which goes on about not having enough space, that I have to delete some data, etc. I am flipping through the photos on my phone.

All of them are of us…

…and I can’t bring myself to erase them.

Feb 04 2014

Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.

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She will never know the story behind the tattoo…

Feb 01 2014

Worn thin

I haven’t had a day off since the new year. Work becomes a dreadful endeavor to enter into and leave, with the duties I’m forced into and the attitudes of the other people I am in contact with there. I don’t get to sleep for very long, my body is suffering by not only being worked to the bone but also from the lack of exercise.
I used to run and lift everyday. I was in great shape, probably the best in my life. But the stress from work and relationships has made me bitter, angry and unhappy, especially with my physique. I’ve picked up chain smoking again and it’s caused malaise and weight gain.
I can’t voice my concerns unless I go directly to the owner. I’ve got issues with both exec and sous chefs that are difficult to address. Who do I talk to? Who would actually do something to help me out?

I just need a break from everything.

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